Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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