It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
