I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
