if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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