absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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