I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
