i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
