Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
