Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
