I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
