So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
