I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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