So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
this just has baby written all over it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
