burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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