Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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