It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
