ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
