why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
