I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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