I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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