Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
