Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
