Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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