Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
