Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
