i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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