I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
