1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
