i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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