Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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