Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
