I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
