so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
