We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
