I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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