I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
