I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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