after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
