I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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