i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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