I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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