Tell her she can't have a vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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