do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
