i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
