I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
