woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
