Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
