I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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