they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
