you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
