Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
